Politically Correct Santa
\n‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck…
\nHow to live in a world that’s politically correct?<\/p>\n
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”,
\n“Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves.<\/p>\n
And labor conditions at the north pole
\nWere alleged by the union to stifle the soul.<\/p>\n
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
\nReleased to the wilds by the Humane Society.<\/p>\n
And equal employment had made it quite clear
\nThat Santa had better not use just reindeer.<\/p>\n
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
\nWere replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!?<\/p>\n
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
\nThe ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.<\/p>\n
And people had started to call for the cops
\nWhen they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.<\/p>\n
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
\nHis fur trimmed red suit was called “Unenlightened.”<\/p>\n
And to show you the strangeness of life’s ebbs and flows:
\nRudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
\nAnd had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
\nDemanding millions in over-due compensation.<\/p>\n
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
\nWho suddenly said she’d enough of this life,
\nJoined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
\nDemanding from now on her title was Ms.<\/p>\n
And as for the gifts, why, he’d ne’er had a notion
\nThat making a choice could cause so much commotion.<\/p>\n
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
\nWhich meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.<\/p>\n
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
\nNothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
\nNothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
\nNothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
\nNothing that claimed to be gender specific.
\nNothing that’s warlike or non-pacific.
\nNo candy or sweets…they were bad for the tooth.
\nNothing that seemed to embellish a truth.<\/p>\n
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
\nWere like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.<\/p>\n
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
\nWho claimed the only good gift was one ecological.<\/p>\n
No baseball, no football…someone could get hurt;
\nBesides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.<\/p>\n
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
\nAnd Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.<\/p>\n
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
\nHe just could not figure out what to do next.<\/p>\n
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
\nBut you’ve got to be careful with that word today.<\/p>\n
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
\nNothing fully acceptable was to be found.<\/p>\n
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
\nGive to all without angering the left or the right.<\/p>\n
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
\nEach group of people, every religion;
\nEvery ethnicity, every hue,
\nEveryone, everywhere…even you.<\/p>\n
So here is that gift, it’s price beyond worth…<\/p>\n
“May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth.”<\/p>\n
This document is copyright (c) Harvey Ehrlich 1992.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Politically Correct Santa ‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck… How to live in a world that’s politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”, “Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves. And labor conditions at the north pole Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had vanished, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/paige.ericksonfamily.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2700"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/paige.ericksonfamily.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/paige.ericksonfamily.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paige.ericksonfamily.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paige.ericksonfamily.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2700"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/paige.ericksonfamily.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2700\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2801,"href":"https:\/\/paige.ericksonfamily.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2700\/revisions\/2801"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/paige.ericksonfamily.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2700"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paige.ericksonfamily.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2700"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paige.ericksonfamily.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2700"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}