Dog Diary<\/p>\n
8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!<\/p>\n
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!<\/p>\n
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!<\/p>\n
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!<\/p>\n
12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!<\/p>\n
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!<\/p>\n
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!<\/p>\n
5:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!<\/p>\n
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!<\/p>\n
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with my people! My favorite thing!<\/p>\n
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!<\/p>\n
Cat Diary<\/p>\n
Day 983 of my captivity.<\/p>\n
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.<\/p>\n
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.<\/p>\n
Today, I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. <\/p>\n
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies’. I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.<\/p>\n
Today, I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.<\/p>\n
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.<\/p>\n
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.<\/p>\n
(thanks to my friend Kristi, who sent this to me. It made me laugh)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dog Diary 8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/paige.ericksonfamily.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/848"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/paige.ericksonfamily.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/paige.ericksonfamily.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paige.ericksonfamily.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paige.ericksonfamily.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=848"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/paige.ericksonfamily.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/848\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/paige.ericksonfamily.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=848"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paige.ericksonfamily.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=848"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paige.ericksonfamily.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=848"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}