How to befuddle and frustrate the cashier at Wal-mart. (Or, I’m an idiot and my husband is directionally challenged)

I went to Wal-Mart for a QUICK trip. We needed composition notebooks, a flashdrive and peppercorns. And by “WE”, I mean mostly the kids. You know, those back to school items that you don’t think you need until you get the note from the teacher. But since those items are spread throughout the store, I ended up with a few other items, too. Funny how many people had the same idea. The school supplies isle was bustling with activity.

25 minutes later I was checking out. I looked in my purse for my wallet and found none. Where the heck is my wallet? No problem, I can still write a check, since my checkbook floats around in my purse independent of my little wallet. No, wait, I had my checkbook out writing checks for school lunch, and it’s not in here, either. CRAP. I have honestly never been in this situation before. But I’m sure other people at Wal-Mart have. They must have a procedure for this, right?

“I’m so sorry, I don’t have my wallet,” I said to the sweet little cashier. She continued ringing me up while I SEARCHED my purse in earnest. Nope. Can’t find it. She called the customer service representative over, and he says, “No problem, we’ll just ‘suspend’ the transaction.” He does something that saves it in the computer and gives me a little tiny receipt. Meanwhile, I’m digging out my phone.

“Ryan, I’m at Wal-Mart and I don’t have my wallet. Can you run down here and rescue me?” I asked.
Grumbling just a little bit, he says he will. He asks which entrance which door I’ll be at, and I told him I was inside by the checkers. I called him back a minute later after I had parked my cart to pay later and told him I was outside waiting for him. “I just barely got out on the highway. I’ll be there in 10 minutes,” he said.
“Ten minutes?” I said, “You won’t be NEARLY 10 minutes.” The Wal-Mart is just down the street, right by the high school. It’s seriously less than 2 miles from our house.

I sat down outside and watched the shoppers coming and going. There’s the dad saying to his daughter, “Now it’s just the 1 inch 3 ring binder, right?”, and the mom with three little kids in tow saying, “Keep up with me…don’t you hit your sister.” It’s a pleasant night, now that the sun has gone down and it’s not 98 degrees anymore.

But where the heck IS HE? It’s been almost 10 minutes since I called him. I called him back. “Where ARE you?” I asked. “I just got through the roundabout. Which door are you at?” he said. “Roudabout?” I was trying to figure out why he’d be at the roundabout. “You do realize that there’s a Wal-Mart just down the street from our house, don’t you?” How long has it been open? Over a year, now.
“Oh, Crap,” he said. He has gone to the Wal-Mart in American Fork, which really IS 10 to 15 minutes away from our house. No, I didn’t specify which store I had gone to, but why in heaven’s name would I travel to the world’s most crowded Wal-Mart when we have our own smaller, less crowded, more friendly store 5 minutes away? WhY? “I’m having a really hard time finding things lately,” he said.
“I’ll just go home and find my wallet or checkbook and come back. You can just go home.” I said.
But he was already out and driving around, he said he would just come and that I should wait for him.

So I waited. Fifteen minutes is a long time when you are sitting outside the store feeling like a stalker. Feeling stupid. I tried to do some more people watching and not feel quite as much like the idiot that I am, leaving my wallet….where IS my wallet? I got out my phone and made a few calls, just to chat and kill the time, but no one answered. At 9:00, he finally pulled up. I grabbed his wallet and went in the store, hoping that I could use HIS credit card and get away with it.

I went back in, went to the same checker. Since she didn’t have huge line and she knew the situation, I was there to make her life MORE difficult. She couldn’t figure out what to do, so she called the same guy who had helped her before. He couldn’t make it work. The little receipt they had given me wasn’t scanning, and they couldn’t make it bring back the earlier transaction. I thought about just grabbing my cart and making a dash for it, but that wouldn’t be right. And I had already waited half an hour, so what’s a few more minutes, right? Now I’ve got 2 Wal-Mart employees befuddled and confused. Why isn’t this working. People come to the line and the checker waves them away to other lines, since she’s got a “problem customer” here (my words, not hers. She was actually quite nice, despite the frustration of the situation).

Finally, the guy figured out what to do. I swiped Ryan’s card, signed his name, paid, and left. My quick trip to WalMart ended up over an hour and 15 minutes. The good thing, though, was that the kids were all in bed by the time I got home. *Sigh* I returned Ryan’s wallet to him after I located mine. It was in my big old coupon purse that I had taken grocery shopping the day before. Duh. I’d driven without a license for a day and a half (oops) and didn’t even notice I didn’t have it.

So that’s it. That’s how you befuddle and frustrate the Wal-Mart cashier, and it proves I’m an idiot and my husband is directionally challenged.