On the edge

I consider myself a fairly rational and calm person. I do. But really, I’m just one snafu away from an emotional breakdown.

It was a hard week for me. Nothing huge, but a lot of little things adding up to some big stress.
-Megan cut her finger and had to get stitches,
-It was the first week of school and all the back to school stuff with finding classes and meeting teachers and paying fees and more fees,
-I have a very big PTA responsibility this year and I’ve been doing a lot of stuff with that,
-John had his very first pack meeting ever and I couldn’t go because it was the same night as bells rehearsal, and Ryan couldn’t go because he was out of town. I felt terrible that I couldn’t be there for him, but thankfully Megan was available to take him, and I hear she did a good job as stand in parent. She even accepted my Bobcat award mother’s pin for me.
-I’m totally out of shape and sluggish, and need to get back to exercising,
-There’s the primary program coming up, and these things don’t happen spontaneously, unfortunately,
-Ryan was out of town for a week. Not just out of town, but out of the country with something like a 14 hour time difference, so I couldn’t just call if I needed to talk to him,
-My computer crashed, and like I said, my main man was out of town, and my back-up computer guy couldn’t fix it for me. I did have access to the main man’s computer, so I could at least use the internet and access my incoming email, but then when son was doing homework, that computer turned itself off and then we couldn’t get it started up again because it’s all password protected and complicated. So we were forced off the grid.

-Daughter lost her phone at Trafalga in Orem. She didn’t realize she didn’t’ have it until we were back on the freeway heading home. When we got home we called it (maybe she just left it at home, right?), but got no answer. We sent texts that said, “If you find this phone, please call…” and listed our home number. It really irks me when people are not honest. If I found a phone, I would certainly look through the contacts and find “Home” or something like that, or at least call the number that was texted to me. OR, I would turn it into the lost and found. That is not what this person did. The person that picked up her phone immediately called someone in Payson. (I looked it up! Cool that you can do that, huh?) When I tried to call that number, it was forwarding to another number or something, and I couldn’t get ahold of a person. Had to suspend service on that phone. The funniest thing was, in order to call Trafalga to ask if someone had turned in a phone, I had to look up the number, right? I have no computer, Ryan’s computer won’t turn on, I don’t have a phone book. I had to text Cole, who was at a friend’s house, ask him to look up the number, and send it to us. Crippled without technology. Crippled, I tell you.
-I had to go to a 2 hour long orientation at Kelly services to find out more hoops I have to jump through in order to substitute teach. Oh, the joys.
-People, namely my junior high carpool, are flaking on me.

As I was driving and feeling lonely and sorry for myself and started to cry in the car, I wondered WHY in the world I was being such a BABY and letting all of this get to me. Wait. What week is this? Oh. Hormones. Duh. I HATE those hormones and what they do to me approximately one week of every month. I tried to tell myself to buck up and stop getting so emotional, but that wasn’t really helping.

Instead, I made a mental list of the things that were really, really great. A “count your blessings moment”.

+I don’t have to drive my high school kids to school. With early morning seminary and HUGE amounts of road construction, this is TRULY a blessing. I am SO glad that Cole can drive both himself and Megan to school and that we are able to provide him with a vehicle.
+The kids all seem to be happy with their classes and teachers so far. With 5 kids in 3 different schools, that adds up to about 30 teachers, and I am SO thankful that they are treating my children with kindness and respect (so far), and nobody has come home declaring that they hate school and they are never going back again. (It’s early, I know, but so far so good.)
+Cole is nearly done with his Eagle project. He completed his last two merit badges and I can actually feel a tiny glimmer of hope that we may get this thing pulled off before his 18th birthday in 7 months.
+Facebook. Yes, I’m thankful for facebook. Because of facebook, I was in contact with an old friend of mine who is now living in Singapore. I told him that Ryan would be there, got the two of them communicating, and they actually had Ryan over for dinner while he was there. I also have felt less lonely and more connected to friends, even when my computer wasn’t working and I really didn’t have full use of my email. Yes, I know there are a lot of negatives to facebook, but for me, it’s been a positive thing, and this week especially, I’m thankful for it.
+My mother-in-law. I casually mentioned to my MIL that my children wanted a “Grabber” to reach things. Grandma has one (Grandma is pretty short, so it makes sense) and they thought it was so cool. I didn’t ask for one, I just said that Megan, specifically, was wanting one, and on Tuesday, they showed up with some yellow squash and a grabber. How nice is that?
+My house is not being pounded by a hurricane. Or an earthquake. Or any other such natural disasters. Record breaking heat? Yes. Huge thunderstorms & power outages? Yes, but no flooding, and we can put up with that. We have air conditioning and we have water.
+My children are safe and healthy.
+My husband does return to me.
+My car works.
+I live in the most beautiful area. Have you looked around lately at the mountains, the sky, the clouds? It’s gorgeous out there! Flowers are blooming, my sunflowers (even though the horses totally ate the tops off of them) are flowering, my garden is doing well in the heat, I have tons of zucchini, there are peaches and even apples on the trees in the ‘orchard’ in my back yard, and it’s beautiful. I just need to spend a few moments out with the chickens in the backyard to be reminded of the beauty of nature.
+My phone works.
+My family. My parents spent their Saturday with us at the dinosaur museum (actually they were taking my niece and we decided to tag along) and we had such a fun time. I know that if I asked any one of my family to come and help me out they would do whatever they could to help me. I’m very lucky to have that kind of support available to me.
+Visiting teaching. I actually did my visiting teaching this week (yay for me!) and it reminded me of WHY we do visiting teaching. To do some service; to connect with other people; and to remind each other of the importance of the gospel. It’s a good thing.

And the list goes on and on and on. Even as I was in an emotionally fragile state due to some minor inconveniences and some major PMS, I was able to count my blessings and realize how truly blessed I am.

The difference between a bad day and a good day is still 24 hours.

So if life is getting you down, or if you yourself are caught up in some hormonally induced blues, take a few minutes to think about or write down some things that you are thankful for. Even just listing 10 things can really lift you out of that funk.
Or take a few minutes and do some service for someone else.
Or call me and we’ll go to lunch. That always helps.