Auditions. Such fun.

Friday I checked my email and there was a note from a theater friend of mine, letting me know of a play, Curious Savage, I should audition for. I looked into it, and thought,
“Oh, I do miss theater, and it’s SO close. And I don’t have any bell things coming up, besides our regular once a week practice, and not too many Relief Society things are at night, And the play is at the end of Feb, so it wouldn’t take up my whole life for very long, and they do call for women in their 40’s and 50’s. Let me look at the calendar and see how many conflicts I have.”
It takes me about 2 minutes to go from ‘I’m too busy’ to ‘I’ve got time’.
I checked with my hubby to make sure he didn’t have any qualms about my auditioning, and then I looked for a monologue that I could do for an audition. I was not completely memorized, but I went anyway.
It was fun. In a nervous energy, not sure of yourself, what am I doing kind of way.
On Saturday, there were call backs. Even though this play is in Highland, I didn’t know a single other person there. They had me in consideration for three different women’s parts. One of them was Mrs. Savage. What? No, I didn’t want to be that part, I’m here for this smaller part of one of the “patients”. But, most of the people there were younger. there were only 2 other “mom” types. OK. Here goes. So, I read with several different people, in several different roles. They had four mini scenes, and they kept switching people out to see how they worked together, reading these different scenes. It was fun to be acting, even if it was just cold reading. I don’t exactly know what they are looking for, but I did my best.

I know that my bell choir director would frown upon me missing more than one rehearsal, and I could see by the schedule that there was a performance on a Wednesday, and for sure there would be a dress rehearsal the week before. I decided to send an email to the director letting him know that I have Wednesday night conflicts. I could be there for the performance, but couldn’t commit to being there any other Wednesdays. Then, if they decide that’s too difficult to work around, they won’t cast me in their play. (That sounds kind of arrogant. They might not like me for those parts and wouldn’t cast me anyway).

Today, when I opened the email with anticipation, I read over all names and did not see mine. For the first time EVER, I was not disappointed. I was a tiny bit relieved. I would LOVE to do a play. I LOVE theater. But I could recognize that I have a bit going on in my life, and I don’t really need the added stress of a play. As I think about the lady they did cast as Mrs. Savage, I think, “Ok. I think I was better, but maybe I don’t exactly fit into their vision of the play. Maybe I’m not old enough. Whatever.” And I was relieved that I wouldn’t have to memorize all that. How lazy of me! But I’m not disappointed. For the first time EVER after an audition and a not getting the part (which happens SO very much), I do not feel like I wasn’t good enough. Maybe I’m not good enough, or maybe I don’t fit the look they are going for. Or maybe they don’t like the fact that I have too many Wednesday nights I need off. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I did my best, I was honest, I wasn’t trying to impress.

I hope I can do a play this year. I will audition for more this spring and this summer. There may be a few weeks that we don’t have bell rehearsal when the choir goes on tour, and that gives me a little bit more wiggle room at that time. But I hope that I can have this same attitude the next time I audition. Instead of feeling bad that I wasn’t good enough, to recognize instead that I just may not be what they are looking for.