I have never…broken a bone in my body.
I have never smoked a cigarette.
I have never had a bloody nose.
I have never been to Oregon.
I have never rollerbladed (what a chicken, I know.)
I have never had surgury (in fact, I’ve only stayed in the hospital for childbirth.)
I have never drank beer (unless you count apple beer.)
I have never had a turtle for a pet, although we may soon get one if my son gets his wish.
I have never been to Alaska.
I have never had wild unprotected sex with anyone other than my husband.
I have never been scuba diving, sky diving or practically any other kind of diving.
I have never worn acrylic nails.
I have never gotten a tatoo.
I have never had tequilla.
I have never sung the national anthem solo at a baseball game.
I have never run out of gas.
I have never pulled out any of my kids’ teeth.
I have never taken a drain apart.
I have never used a chainsaw.
I have never been a circus clown (or circus perfomer of any type).
I have never (and hopefully never will) put contacts into my eyes.
I have never eaten squid.
I have never been to Japan.
I have never met Donny Osmond.
I have never been in the Relief Society Presidency or the Primary Presidency(knock on wood.)
Pretty boring, aren’t I?
I was going to stop there, but then I figured I should throw in some things that I HAVE done, so as not to look like such a boring person who never does anything. So, here are some things I have done that may (or may not–probably not) surprise you:
I have had 5 children.
I have had at least one child in diapers for the past 12 1/2 years.
I have been to the David Letterman show.
I have been to Germany.
I have been on two Disney Cruises.
I have gotten the Norwalk virus.
I have been on National news (see above.)
I have been a clown.
I have gone river rafting.
I have won a $1000 gift card to Toys R Us from a local radio station (I still have $300 on that card.)
I have done dishes today.
I have been to Niagra Falls.
I have been on Music and the Spoken word more than once.
I have sliced my finger on an orange juice can.
I have known some of my friends for over 30 years.
I have sung singing telegrams to all the teachers in my kids’ elementary school.
Yes, it’s quite an exhaustive list. If you know of other things I have or have not done (my memory’s not what it once was, you know), go ahead and add them. And what have you done or not done that’s unique?
You have gotten a scrape in the shape of Africa on your hand.
You have ridden on the OUTSIDE of a moving VW bug (see above.)
You have introduced the world to the original tampon mice.
You have rightfully earned the nickname Bubbles.
You have the best hips for doing the moves for “Crush on You” by the Jets.
You have been a good, good friend for a long, long time and I love you.
You have laid in a coffin in a funeral home.
You have sprayed graffiti on a wall on the way to Montana…and on an highway underpass in Provo.
You made a steamy bathtub video with me and Larry in Wendover.
You have convinced an entire town of people in Illinois that your name is Jess.
You have learned to ski…both cross country and down hill.
…and I must second Michelle’s comment on being a good, good frined…and…I love you….too!
P.S. The vast majority of things you have not done…I have done…and the many of the things you have done….I have not…..go figure!
You have laid in a coffin in a funeral home.
You have sprayed graffiti on a wall on the way to Montana…and on an highway underpass in Provo.
You made a steamy bathtub video with me and Larry in Wendover.
You have convinced an entire town of people in Illinois that your name is Jess.
You have learned to ski…both cross country and down hill.
…and I must second Michelle’s comment on being a good, good frined…and…I love you….too!
P.S. 9 out of the 25 things you have not done…I have done (I’ll leave up to you to guess)…and 13 of the things you have done….I have not…..go figure!
OOPS…that printed twice….and what about wild, protected…..never mind.
OK…what a dork…what I meant is only 16 out of 25 things you have not done, I have done…. K…I’m done.
Thank you Robin, for pointing out those all those additional crazy things I have done.
You cooked/killed your pet bird in your bedroom (accident)
You had a slippery front porch on your childhood home ( my scar)
You had the most glamerous looking mom ( she is still awesome looking)
You wrote the best skits in middle school
You were an awesome walking buddy in kindergarten
You had a stuffed Grover on your bed longer than most people should ( is it still there?)
You always had and have a smile on your face
xoxoxoxoxox