overwhelmed

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed.

(Gasp!)

There, I’ve said it.

Right now is one of those times.

I’ve got this roadshow going on, and it’s kind of a big deal. Most of the kids are GREAT, and have really stepped out of their comfort zones, or taken on leadership roles in choreographing and teaching. I think it’s been a fantastic experience for them. There are other kids who would rather die than be in a road show. I understand. I don’t relate, but I do understand. We’ve tried to give them other opportunities to help in with our tech crew, or editing, or even making a power point presentation. Or, if they hate it so badly and they are NOT going to be in it no matter how hard we try to make it sound fun, they are allowed to not be in it. Fine. don’t be in the show. But if you have NO job and No reason to be there, then don’t come. Don’t come to YM/YW on those night. Stay home. Because I would rather have you home playing your video games or doing your homework or arguing with your mom than coming and trying to make the rest of us miserable. And to you two girls who give me attitude? I mean you, too. Not to mention any names, but there are these two lovely girls who think that they are too good for this dumb roadshow, and they can’t stoop to our level to, oh, I don’t know, learn the stupid dances. So they come to some of the rehearsals, and they talk and giggle and generally ignore all directions. I tell them something directly to their faces, and they give me ‘that look’. You know, that look that says, ‘who do you think you are to tell me what to do?’ And then they walk off and do whatever the hell they wanted to do anyway. (Look at me. Just writing about it gets me so upset I’m spewing forth swear words!) I want to just tell them that they can’t be in our roadshow. I want to tell them to go home and not bother coming, since they aren’t even trying. But can I do that? No. This is a church activity and everyone needs to feel included and all that. So, instead, I take it personally. Every time they flip their hair and walk off ignoring my directions, I come home practically in tears.
It really hurts my feelings.
I know it shouldn’t.
I know I shouldn’t care if teenagers disrespect me.
But I just don’t have thick enough skin.

Then there’s all the organization required to run this roadshow. Phone calls, emails, meetings, rehearsals, more emails, texts, buy food to bribe the kids to come, edit that song, is it long enough? Is it too long? We’re down to our final 3 rehearsals, and there’s a little bit of stress.

In my heart, I know it will be great. The kids have worked hard, and it’s a roadshow, after all. This isn’t broadway. But I do care, and I don’t want to be embarrassed by our finished product.

There’s other stuff weighing on my mind, too. Did you know that a 10 minute ultrasound to make sure I don’t have a blood clot costs over $400? Yep.

And don’t you love it when the high school mails you a letter letting you know that your kid has one or more F’s? Love that.

Oh, and my daughters hate each other. That gets to me day after day.

There’s this big set of curtains that is sitting in my office. I’ve had this fabric for months, supposed to make curtains for a friend, but I just can’t seem to find four to six hours to get it done. Oh, the guilt. I’ve set a deadline for myself, though. Her birthday’s in April.

Then there’s the strange fact that I can’t stick to a healthy eating plan for one. single. day. Not one day. Every day I start out great, and I usually blow it by 1 or 2 o’clock. And I hate exercise.

But then when I get this way and I am feeling overwhelmed, I remember all the blessings I have. Working with these roadshow kids is an opportunity, not a punishment. Working with the children in primary is also a blessing. My calling with the Tab Choir is a wonderful opportunity and a blessing. Being able to stay home and take care of my family is a blessing. I am blessed every day.

I take a deep breath in, take a deep breath out, and try to put things into perspective. It’s ok if my house is extra messy because I didn’t have time to clean it. It’s ok to get frustrated with stubborn kids, as long as I remember that they are just kids, and they are trying.

Oh, and I realize that everyone feels overwhelmed at times. One of my friends just broke her arm. One of my blogger friends had to admit her husband into the hospital with chest pains on her birthday! And my sister had ‘one of THOSE mornings’ just yesterday.

So, it’s time to quit feeling sorry for myself because I happen to be busy right now, and to do my very best with whatever the day holds for me.

*****

Later–I feel a little silly that I complained so very much. After a day NOT working on anything roadshow related, I feel much better about things. Thank you for your sweet comments!