In which I don’t mention chocolate, but you know I’m secretly thinking it

You may have forgotten that it’s the season of Lent right now, and that I’ve given up sugar for this time. I don’t know HOW you could have forgotten, but I have been trying to not be totally whiny about it, and if you aren’t doing Lent, then you might not think about it. Well, it’s still on. Until Easter, which is still a ways away. But I am hanging in there and doing very well. I haven’t had any break downs where I’ve shoved cookies into my mouth. I did make myself some sugar free lemon cookies a while back, and I ate “a few” of those that day, but since then, they have stayed in the freezer, waiting patiently for me to eat them.

But, since I don’t want all this suffering and pain to be for naught, I am also really trying to eat well and cut down on the carbs as well, so I can lose some weight. And exercise. Yeah, that too, although I will admit that’s not my main focus right now. I’m NOT PERFECT, folks. And I’m not on a tv show competing for lots of money, either, so I’m doing what I can do.

Well, since I have already taken ALL the joy out of life, why don’t we just cut back on the diet coke consumption while we’re at it. See if we can take Paige ALL the way to the edge of sanity and PUSH her over, shall we? I know my mom would be happier if I gave up the sweet sweet beverage that is diet coke all together, but I don’t know if we’re going to go there. It’s not like I’m drinking a 44 ouncer from Harts or Kountry Korner every day, but I do usually have ONE can of diet coke with lunch. Or, if I go out to lunch or dinner with friends, I will sometimes order a diet coke. But I will admit that diet coke makes me happy, and the thought of a life without diet coke makes me sad. Even that “Ptchssshhh” sound of opening a can of diet coke brings a smile to my face.
Does that make me an addict? I don’t know.
It’s like I’m at a meeting. My name is Paige and it’s been three days since my last drink. And then we sit around and drink coffee and eat donuts. Except that I don’t drink coffee and I can’t eat donuts!

And so I’m grumpy. OH SO GRUMPY. We went out to dinner on Monday for Megan and Cole’s birthdays, and went to Texas Roadhouse. And (here’s the part where you need to be proud of me) I didn’t have a single roll. Not one. Can you believe it? I ordered a grilled chicken salad and ate it while looking longingly at the kids’ fries and sticky ribs and chicken fried chicken. Should have ordered the steak and a sweet potato, but I ate my salad. Come on! Who orders a salad at Texas Roadhouse? Stupid people, that’s who! And water. I drank water. It was a fun dinner out with the family, but I came home and felt all sorry for myself. And to avoid grumping at my kids, I hid in my room and devoured…. a book. You thought I was going to say I had some secret stash of reeses peanut butter cups hidden in my bedroom and I went in and secretly ate it, didn’t you? No. I was good, and I read a book. Thankfully, the scale moved a little bit in the downward direction the next morning, or I probably would have just THROWN all the good intentions out the window and snarfed a cupcake for breakfast. I still might. You don’t know.

Some friends have invited me to lunch today, and I’m still debating. The place they want to go has really good salads, and I would probably enjoy being with friends. But would I again feel sorry for myself because other people might be ordering cookies and brownies and great sandwiches? Maybe I’ll treat myself to a diet coke. Just one.