I’m back from the dentist.
I don’t really enjoy the dentist to start with. I mean, who does? My husband actually does, that’s who. He says it’s relaxing. Relaxing? I don’t think so!
But I scheduled an appointment all by myself, so I wouldn’t have to wait a long time to get all of us in there. Have I mentioned before that I hate waiting at the dentist and I’ve actually threatened to go elsewhere if I am kept waiting a long time again? Well, I am. So, while John was at preschool, I used my valuable “no children time” to go in for my 6 month check-up. I forgot to mention to them NOT to take x-rays, since our insurance only covers them once a year, and I guess we all got x-rays last time. But when I take the boys tomorrow, I’ll remember that small detail.
I don’t know where the nice young hygienist that I usually get was. Instead I got grandma scraper from hell. She got right in there and started stabbing, scraping and poking, all the while chatting on about American Idol, even though I told her I haven’t been watching it this season. I lay there in the chair, trying to relax (by the way–wouldn’t it be GREAT if they gave manicures or pedicures at the dentist? In keeping with my great ideas to combine businesses, I think this one would be good! You could have someone there making your feet all soft and your toes all pretty, and when you were done with the torture of the dentist, you would have beautiful feet! I should have suggested it.) and listening to the radio. And if it weren’t bad enough to have Mrs. Pain there with her hands in my mouth, one of my most hated songs of all time came on the radio.
“Must we?” I thought, “Do we REALLLY have to play that song, My99.5?”
What song? Tainted Love by Soft Cell. And I love you all too much to include a link to the music or the lyrics. If you don’t know that song, just count your blessings and forget about it, and be thankful.
“Will the torture never end?” I felt like shouting. Well, the song ended, but she just kept scraping and digging and poking. Then came the polishing. Usually I don’t mind the polishing, except for when polish or water gets flinged onto my face. But this master of all discomfort made even the polishing uncomfortable. She was really PUSHING that polisher to make sure my pearly whites were actually pearly and white.
Somehow I managed to keep from screaming, but I did notice that my hands were clenched together like nobody’s business.
Eventually I got out of that hated establishment, with an all clear from the dentist, by the way. Even though I don’t like to floss, I’m an excellent brusher and I haven’t had a cavity in years.
Two hours and three tylenol later, and my mouth is still in pain. PAIN, my friends.
But at least I won’t have to go back there for another 6 months. Well, except to take my boys. That would be tomorrow. And the girls next week. But after that, I’m DONE with that place for SIX WHOLE MONTHS. Take that, Madame Pokey-instrument!