Superpaige's Pad

The Trials of a Busy Mom

Must you scrape all of my gums off?

I’m back from the dentist.


I don’t really enjoy the dentist to start with. I mean, who does? My husband actually does, that’s who. He says it’s relaxing. Relaxing? I don’t think so!
But I scheduled an appointment all by myself, so I wouldn’t have to wait a long time to get all of us in there. Have I mentioned before that I hate waiting at the dentist and I’ve actually threatened to go elsewhere if I am kept waiting a long time again? Well, I am. So, while John was at preschool, I used my valuable “no children time” to go in for my 6 month check-up. I forgot to mention to them NOT to take x-rays, since our insurance only covers them once a year, and I guess we all got x-rays last time. But when I take the boys tomorrow, I’ll remember that small detail.

I don’t know where the nice young hygienist that I usually get was. Instead I got grandma scraper from hell. She got right in there and started stabbing, scraping and poking, all the while chatting on about American Idol, even though I told her I haven’t been watching it this season. I lay there in the chair, trying to relax (by the way–wouldn’t it be GREAT if they gave manicures or pedicures at the dentist? In keeping with my great ideas to combine businesses, I think this one would be good! You could have someone there making your feet all soft and your toes all pretty, and when you were done with the torture of the dentist, you would have beautiful feet! I should have suggested it.) and listening to the radio. And if it weren’t bad enough to have Mrs. Pain there with her hands in my mouth, one of my most hated songs of all time came on the radio.

“Must we?” I thought, “Do we REALLLY have to play that song, My99.5?”

What song? Tainted Love by Soft Cell. And I love you all too much to include a link to the music or the lyrics. If you don’t know that song, just count your blessings and forget about it, and be thankful.
“Will the torture never end?” I felt like shouting. Well, the song ended, but she just kept scraping and digging and poking. Then came the polishing. Usually I don’t mind the polishing, except for when polish or water gets flinged onto my face. But this master of all discomfort made even the polishing uncomfortable. She was really PUSHING that polisher to make sure my pearly whites were actually pearly and white.

Somehow I managed to keep from screaming, but I did notice that my hands were clenched together like nobody’s business.

Eventually I got out of that hated establishment, with an all clear from the dentist, by the way. Even though I don’t like to floss, I’m an excellent brusher and I haven’t had a cavity in years.

Two hours and three tylenol later, and my mouth is still in pain. PAIN, my friends.
But at least I won’t have to go back there for another 6 months. Well, except to take my boys. That would be tomorrow. And the girls next week. But after that, I’m DONE with that place for SIX WHOLE MONTHS. Take that, Madame Pokey-instrument!


  1. I normally like going to the dentist, and if there was a “dental cleaning” kiosk at the mall I’d patronize it before I’d get a pedicure. BUT, this last time I went (last week) it was the first time I’d been in a year and a half because of insurance changes and my not wanting to pay my $100 deductible (for preventative care! I know!) twice in the same year. I know exactly what you are talking about with the scraping etc. It was awful! I’ve never experienced pain during a dental cleaning before….I feel your pain. At least its six months before we have to go back, right? Thank goodness for no cavities and genetically strong enamel! Take care.

  2. Tainted Love???? come on, it’s one of the best songs of all time!!!!! Where’s the love? Oh wait yours is tainted.

  3. I feel your pain!! i can’t stand going to the dentist and i feel like I’ve been going weekly for the last 6 months (not quite, but close). So last time i was there they told me my 6 month check up was the beginning of March and I couldn’t believe it. I just had a check up and it was torture and I can’t stand the thought of going in for another one. YUCK!!

  4. Brian and I also hate “Tainted Love,” and change the station or turn it off whenever it comes on. We also hate “Another One Bites the Dust,” “You’re One of My Kind,” “Red, Red Wine,” and Carrie Underwood’s newest mean song about bashing her boyfriend’s car in. I think it’s something like “Think Before He Cheats.” Luckily there’s enough great songs out there that we don’t have to constantly turn the radio off.

    My condolences to your teeth.

  5. Holy parallel lives Batman! *I* just came back from the dentist and wrote about my experiences too! It is not my favorite place. Although if you lived by me, maybe we could go to the same one and do lunch afterward. That would be way more fun.

  6. What is this, dental month?? I am right there with you. Still in pain from a dental visit to fill 2 simple little cavities from LAST WEEK. Apparently, he decided to save me some money and decided to chisel off this little extra enamel that seems to decay under it–so I wouldn’t ever have to have a filling there. I am telling you I would have paid $500 for that filling if it meant I didn’t hurt this bad. My jaw is still in pain and I have cankers from the shots. Although the gas made the visit tolerable, I need the gas for the recovery.

  7. I thought the song you hated most was “Horse with No Name” by America.

  8. Someone knows Paige pretty well…


  9. I think I might actually prefer “horse with no name” to “tainted love”.

  10. Oh my GOSH I loved the “grandma scraper from hell” comment. I so feel you! My hubby just got braces this past week… oh mannnnnn. No fun!

    But he’s cute.


    Thank you so much for commenting on my site! I’ll be back through I love how you write!!



  11. Like so many others I, too, have a fear and hatred for dentists. However, I found a pretty respectable place that has been suprisingly refreshing. It is really beautiful (which matters to picky me) and the girls there speak in whispers and have been really gentle. Plus, they have earphones and choices of over 100 bands to listen to (you can pick out your own compiliation). Then – like icing on the cake – the dentist is really, really cute. Call me if you want the number.

  12. Guess what! I’ve been going through that torture for 25 years now–many times, sometimes a repeat in the same place. My advice: floss!!!

  13. Coincidence that Pat comments on a 4 year old thread on the same day I go to the dentist.

    I still find it somewhat relaxing.

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