I’m frustrated with my 13 year old. He is a smart kid but he just doesn’t remember to turn his assignments in. I sometimes wonder if he’d remember his right arm if it weren’t attached. He missed a few days of school to go on a trip with my parents, and since then it’s been a struggle to catch up. I feel like all I do is nag and nag and nag and get on his case about his grades, and yesterday I really lost my temper and yelled at him. I felt like a horrible mother, he felt like a horrible kid, we all felt horrible!
I need some suggestions on how I can help him be responsible for his own work, and get it all turned in ON TIME. One friend suggested I go to school in my pajamas with him and sit by him during all his classes and remind him to write things down or turn things in. My husband told him about a friend of his whose son got bad grades, and then was his dad’s slave for the summer. While these are great ideas, they seem a little bit drastic to me.
So I would like your suggestions or things that have worked with your teenage boys.
Thank you in advance.
I’m linking in with Shannon’s Works for me Wednesday where lots of people are asking questions today.
When Braeden was having this problem, we sat down and made a list of the things he needed to work on: Turning homework in on time, not talking in class out of turn, staying focused on the task at hand, remembering what to bring to school and take home. Basically, if everything was turned in on time all week (you can check Power School for that) and if he went all week without his teacher having to correct his behavior, he’d get a treat. I let him pick his treat, which was to go to McDonalds and play in the play place. After the first week, he did really well, so we rewarded him. After that, I’ve forgotten to check, but he’s been doing really well even though I haven’t been rewarding him. He just needed to break a bunch of bad habits, and he was able to do it. He’s starting to slack off now, because he’s forgotten to turn in something all week, and yesterday he came home with no lunch bag, so it might be time to start marking the chart again.
You’d have to tailor it with Cole for what he wants and what he needs, but it worked fairly well for us. Good luck!!
You mean yelling at your kids is bad? OH OH 🙂
I would tell him that if he is not being responsible enough with his own school work, you will have to call his teacher and explain that he is too immature to be responsible and ask that the teacher send home a note each week to say what wasn’t handed in on time. Based on what wasn’t handed in – he loses privileges.
I bet he will be so embarrassed by the prospect of his teacher having to keep tabs on him, he will start being more responsible on his own.
Maybe you can put a reminder note on his folder or book bag to help him remember.
S.B.
http://bethriftylikeus.blogspot.com
I’m not an expert on this, but maybe a confrence with him, the teachers, and yourself. Maybe everyone can put their heads together and come up with some ideas that work. Also, both of you will be able to find out exactly what is needed for him to be caught up. Maybe this will help him to see that you are very serious about him getting his act together. Also, maybe an incentive plan…new video game, friends over, etc. if he keeps it all together for a solid month.
Raising teens is not easy sometimes. Best of luck. 🙂
What happens if he doesn’t turn in his work? Will he fail a class and have to go to summer school?
That was a possible reality for my son last year when he lost his planner and missed several assignments- once he got behind he didn’t seem really motivated to catch up. The kicker was when I informed him that if he DID have to go to summer school, I WOULD NOT be driving him- since summer is supposed to be my vacation too! (There is no schoolbus system here and we live about 5 miles from the high school). I also informed him that the rest of the family would not be missing out on our planned family vacation just because he couldn’t go (I figured I’d get a local college student to say with him if needed).
Once he realized that he would be walking or taking public transit to school- he got a little more motivated. The other thing that really helped him was a peer tutoring program that the school offers. His tutor didn’t tell him anything that I hadn’t already- but hearing it from someone other than mom seemed to help…
In the end he ended the year with a 3.25 average. This year he’s seemed to learn from the past and is pulling a 3.75.
Good luck! I know it’s frustrating, but keep it up!
As the mom of 2 teenagers ages 19 & 16, I first want to say – I feel your pain. Next, I want to tell you as someone who has “been there, done that” with my now 19 year old college freshman son is that the best advice I got when my son was doing the same thing at age 13-17 was to try not to stress about it too much.
Yes, you want to teach him responsibility, but not make his grades the be all and end all. My son is in college and got accepted into all but one of the 7 colleges he applied to and was an “average” high school student. His guidance counselor in 8th grade told me that “there is a college for everyone and we want him to go to the one that is right for him”. So many parents push their kids to score higher and higher on the SAT’s and to kill themselves for perfect grades, but unless your kid wants to go to Princeton, what’s the point? They may get into a college that is over their head, and then drop out from discouragement.
Also, it has been proven that grades in high school are not an indication of future success in life.
If your son has a good heart and a giving spirit, and the other character traits you want to instill in him, count that as success.
I know you’re probably thinking I am too soft and don’t value education, but both me and my hubs have college degrees. Our freshman son who thought homework was a waste of time in high school is on the dean’s list at college as a biology major and hopes to go to medical school after he graduates.
All this to say, what’s going on inside his heart is much more important the grades on his report card.
I did write a previous works for me wednesday post on communicating with my son’s teachers a few week ago if you want to check out how we kept track of his work.
Blessings, Carol
Oh friend – how I relate! The only thing that works for us is a positive incentive and a fine. If Meg turns in her homework all week (check it on powerschool), she gets a book of her choice for the weekend. (I keep a stash of ones I know she will like) If she brings home anything below a C on her report card, then she gets a $30 fine for each one. Money and books – that is Meagan’s language and I have had to learn to speak it. What is Cole’s language? Habla – Cole-anian? PS _ I agree with Carol, too. I don’t yell, I don’t stress. I just set the rules – both incentive and fines – and then let the chips fall where they may. In then end, it has to be self directed.
OH! And, am I the 2,000th comment?
Now am I the 2,000th comment? (hee hee – smile)
Now? Ok, Ok, I’ll stop.
I wish you luck, honey. all good suggestions. Showing up at school may work wonders and you wouldn’t even have to be in your pajamas – ask my kids.
I hate to say this, but he is going to pull his head out when he is good and ready. Simon suffered from this problem for years and I can’t tell you what an incredibly responsible student he NOW is. He CRIED yesterday when I wouldn’t let him go to school with a 102.9 fever, because he had an AP exam. You need to let him know you are disappointed in him and have faith that he can do better. Sorry, no quick fixes….in my experience.
One thing I would suggest is NOT to humiliate your son. Boys this age are very fragile emotionally and they already have enough insecurites about themselves. I would have the big discussion with him, state your expectations, and ask what he thinks he needs to help him remember his responsibilities. Also set up consequences that you both can live with. I would also recommend that you spend some time with him one on one. My son and I would schedule activities that we could do together. This gave us a time in which we could talk and enjoy each other. My son is now almost twenty and we have a good relationship. This is a difficult time for parents and children , but know that you will survive it too!:smile:
Have a planner for Cole to write his assignments and due dates in.
Have each teacher sign this planner EVERY DAY indicating that what Cole wrote is right.
Have a privilege (like breathing) taken away if he misses even one signature.
Have absolute resolve & a stern face when you have to take away his privilege until he gets it.
Have a margarita after it’s all said and done. (With or without the rum–your choice.)
I don’t have any advice on this, but it looks as though you’ve already gotten a lot of great advice here!
I wanted to stop by to let you know that I’ve got some free books up for grabs as part of my March Pay It Forward Book Exchange. Stop by if you’re interested in a chance to win. 🙂
Typically, boys don’t pay attention to schooling until they are older. It’s normal. My brother never really cared much about school until he was 15, and then he bucked up and did reallllyy well in school.
Until he wakes up, I think he needs to realise that there are consequences to his actions. Don’t yell when you tell him his consequences, just say it matter-of-factly. If he doesn’t do his assignments, he doesn’t get to watch his fav. tv show, or go out with his friends. If he fails a class because he’s lazy, he doesn’t get to go on a planned vacation. Warn him in advance, so he can’t say that you didn’t tell him.
But don’t forget to reward him when he does do his work and do well in class. Take him to his favourite place to eat if he turns in his properly done homework for a week (or 2 weeks), let him go on a trip with his friends or family if he does well in a class.
Hope this helps. 🙂