I’ve had quite enough rejection, thank you very much. Today I found out I didn’t get cast in a play. Again. That’s three plays I haven’t made it into, in case you are counting. At least I got called back for this one, but getting a call back and not a part is kind of just leading you along, giving you hope, so that when it doesn’t happen, it hurts that much more.

I don’t want to be bitter or feel sorry for myself, but when my theater friends post how excited they are about getting into THAT play that you just tried out for, it’s hard to be happy for them right now. I know the disappointment and sadness are not permanent. It’s not like I lost a loved one, so I need to suck it up and move on. It’s not like I was on the Amazing Race and got eliminated right before the next to last round because someone U-TURNED me, right? I mean, let’s put things into perspective here.

I’m tired of auditioning. I’m tired of putting myself out there only to be tossed aside like someone’s leftovers. I’m tired of being compared to others who are better dancers, better singers, better looking, and more talented. I know I’m not young, skinny or coordinated, but I do have some talent. Or at least I did.

Is this God’s subtle way of telling me I’m too old and too fat to be in any plays? Is this an answer to my mother’s prayer that I would just go to the family camping trip for once?

Or is there some other opportunity waiting for me?

I have a call back tonight for one last show at Alpine’s community theater. I haven’t done a show there for two years. My last experience with them was less than wonderful, but maybe this time they’ll want me for more than just a babysitter of a million little kids.
I went to that callback and it was so much fun. There were tons of people I know from different shows. We all got to sing and read for several different parts, and it didn’t feel like a competition (even though it really is). I had a great time reading Yenta to my friend Michelle’s Golde. I don’t know if they will choose me, or if I’ll be a generic “Woman” in the chorus whose main job it is to herds kids, but I hope it will be a good experience.

Trying to keep up a good attitude.

“Life will knock you down more times than you can possibly imagine. Don’t knock yourself down.”