The changing of the pants

It’s that time of year again and I hate it. No, not the leaves changing or the nip in the air or the halloween preparations, those are all perfectly acceptable–fun, even. No, it’s not the candy buying and the football games and the marching band competitions that’s getting me down. No, it’s not the end of the soccer season, the parent-teacher conferences or the wearing of sweaters.

It’s the donning of the jeans. Yes, you heard me. Jeans.

All summer I’ve been free from the jeans. I’ve been wearing the capri pants, the light and airy pants, the summer skirts with sandals, and the occasional pair of shorts. I’ve kept up the polish on my toes and enjoyed the wearing of the summer clothing. Until this week.

This week we’ve hit freezing. This week we’ve picked all the tomatoes from the vines and brought them inside.

This week we’ve even had snow, which also meant we had to get out all the snow pants, coats and gloves, which will plague the household and be all over the house for the next 6 months.

And with the cold weather comes the wearing of the jeans. My husband doesn’t know what the big deal is. He wears jeans all summer, and why should one season make a difference? Just wear the ones you wore last spring. Oh, sure. That’s easy for you to say, you…..you….Man.

So I went in the closet to see which (if any) jeans still fit from last spring. I tired on my favorite, which now have a big hole in the knee. Hmmm. Ok for gardening, but not so great for PTA meetings. I pulled out jeans that are I don’t know how many years old, and why, oh why would I ever buy pants like this?! I picked up one pair of tapered leg jeans and wondered what had possessed me to wear them. No matter HOW comfortable they are, they are going into the discard pile. Stacie and Clinton would never forgive me! Not that I know Stacie and Clinton personally or anything, but just having watched the show a few times, I pretty much understand that unless you are a tiny little stick shaped figure (like my 12 year old daughter), you do NOT wear tapered jeans. Unless you want your butt and thighs to look EVEN HUGER THAN they are, that is. Out went the tapered jeans. I’ve got jeans that say “just my size”. Into the pile you go. Like I want a reminder that you are jeans for fat people.

More and more unsuitable jeans are going into the discard pile. These ones are way too short–did I grow taller, too? These ones came from a garage sale and I don’t think I tried them on when I bought them. Big mistake. Who knew I had so many BAD pairs of jeans. Do I have any acceptable pairs of jeans? And while I’m tossing things out, I find a few shirts that are throwbacks from the 80’s, and they definitely need to go. Go and have fun with your friends, the bad pants. I try on several jeans that fit in the spring, but they are just too tight now that it’s fall. Did I wear them this tight in the spring? I really am about the same weight (depending on the day, that is), so what is the deal. I put a pair on and wear them around for a while. After a couple of hours I’m feeling so restricted that I put on a pair of my comfy capri pants again. I guess I’ll just be cold, I think.

The next day I try again, and then I realize the problem here. The jeans need to be worn for a whole day to S-t-r-e-t-c-h them back out. That’s not really fair, now is it? What if I spill something on them on the second day? Then they’ll have to be washed again and we’ll have to go through the whole stretching procedure again. Ugh.

Eventually, I did find two or three pairs of pants that can actually be worn right now. I even pulled out a pair of wide leg trouser jeans (think bell bottom) that I had bought on a major clearance at Old Navy last spring and have never worn. I decided that they maybe looked good, put on some chunky heeled boots and went out to dinner with my friends. When I asked my dear husband what he thought of the jeans, he kind of made a face, so I stopped there. I would ask my friends. I knew they would give me an honest opinion if I asked them, and they all agreed that the jeans were good.

So, jeans. I guess we’d better get together again. We’ll have to say goodbye to the comfy capri pants and sandals (don’t even get me started about how my feet are not liking having to wear actual SHOES!), and don the jeans. Or maybe I’ll just skip to the old person phase and go directly to the velour sweat suits. Oooh, stretchy pants!