Dear Monster that lives in our house,
Please stop eating the library books. If you must eat books, there are plenty of books on the kids’ bookshelves that they hardly ever look at. Why don’t you try some of those out. They aren’t as new and crunchy as the library books, but I’m sure if you eat enough of them you will be satisfied.
Ditto for the new socks. If you could just eat the socks with holes in them, that would make my life a little bit better. And there’s no shortage of those worn out socks, either. Eat to your heart’s content! You’ll find them on the floor in any one of the kids’ rooms. Really! Help yourself!
And let’s stop taking the lids from the tupperware, shall we? I mean, what use do you have for JUST a lid? Use it as a Frisbee? If you must take the lid, please take the container along with it.
I’m not asking for much. I’ll still let you stay here and live under the children’s beds. You are free to eat the leftovers and watch tv after everyone else goes to sleep. I’m only asking for a little consideration, here.