Thank you for your encouraging comments. I did make it through the day, sneezing and all. Although this isn’t a blog about my quest to go without sugar, I just have to talk about it for a bit more before I can move on. So, if this bores you, just click on to someone more interesting, ok?
This has nothing to do with religion, this quest. It’s really to prove to myself that I can do something. And, yes, I’d like to lose some weight in the process. My last three attempts to lose weight have failed, and I find myself stuck at the same weight as I have been for about two years now. It’s hard on your self esteem, when you try and try again and find yourself failing time after time. I realized that food is controlling me. When I walk through the kitchen and see a half eaten pop tart, I would pick it up and eat it. Whether I was hungry or not. I hadn’t thought before how much I would like a pop tart, but there it was on the counter and I didn’t want to waste it, so PoP it would go, into my mouth. Yesterday, someone toasted a pop tart and then realized that there were waffles in the freezer, so they gave the pop tart to John, and ate waffles instead. John, being the picky eater that he is, left the pop tart on the counter. I had to walk by it several times, and finally I asked him if he even wanted it. He said no, and I (brace yourself!) THREW THE POP TART AWAY. That, my friend, is the kind of self control I want to have all the time. I want to be the kind of person who can throw a pop tart or a cookie or whatever half eaten food is there– away.
I keep dreaming that I’m eating sugary things. First it was a donut. In my dream, I was talking to Tess, and I absentmindedly picked up a donut and just ate it. Then I freaked out–thinking, did I just eat that donut?! Why did I do that? Last night I dreamed I was on the Disney Cruise with Lisa and her family. I ate and I ate and I ate. When I woke up, I’d think, did I really eat that food? NO, it was a dream. Thank goodness.
So, yes, I am a little bit obsessive about this thing right now, and I’ll try not to go on and on and on about it from now on, but even though I’ve only lost a pound so far, I think this is a healthy thing to do, and hopefully it will be good for my self esteem to be able to stick to a commitment and prove to myself that food is not the boss of me.
One more day down!!! I had a bit of a headache this morning, but I am good tonight. I made some sugar free banana bread…not so good, but not too bad. Go Paige…and sweet dreams…
Good for you – I sooo admire your determination in this quest. Just remember, don’t be too hard on yourself. You are one of the nicest, funniest, and coolest friends I have. Who else always has free movie passes in the pocket of her purse???? I would die to have your hair (or any hair for that matter!) and your skin is like pure porcelain. Ok, Ok, I’ll stop now….just had to point out a few things that you might take for granted.
I think the dreaming about food thing will be gone soon enough. I did that when I first started Weight Watchers – I’d dream that I ate, like, an order of chili cheese jalapeno tots from Sonic or something. Even though I’d never eaten them in real life, I guess I was lamenting the fact that I would never have the chance to eat something like that.
I also had to break myself of eating my daughter’s leftovers. I heard someone say that they would walk to the trash, and repeat “I am not a garbage can” over and over again.
Keep going – it’ll get easier.