Sad

I had a crap day yesterday. A certain headstrong child of mine and I got into a huge angry shouting match and I behaved badly. As a mom, I should be more in control of my actions. Then I felt like a horrible failure all day.

My older daughter is leaving this weekend for college and she’s anxious and apprehensive about it. We still have much to do. I don’t know how to make it better for her, and I’m feeling the separation anxiety myself. I don’t want to let go. I want her to grow up and have a wonderful college experience, but I don’t want to be left out of her life. I want to know what she’s experiencing, but I know she won’t share much with me. And she’ll be two hours away, which isn’t great for just popping in for a lunch date.

As I was feeling sorry for myself and almost in tears while shopping at Costco, I remembered my dear friend had lost her mother that morning. “Buck up,” I told myself, “At least your mom didn’t die today.” True, my mom didn’t die, but the mother of a dear friend died. I spent many many hours in their home and I knew and loved their mom. I hate it that my friends are losing their parents. It reminds me that my parents are no longer young and that death could be a reality. My mom was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. It’s small and they think they got it all with the surgery, but it’s still breast cancer.

Later in the afternoon I read that Robin Williams had died, and it looks like he may have taken his own life. Happy, Super Energetic Robin William. The one who made us all laugh. How could he be gone?

I’m just sad.
And it’s ok.