It’s Saturday morning. Hubby’s out of town so it’s just me. The house is a mess and the kids really should be doing jobs or cleaning their rooms and mowing the lawn. But miraculously, all the kids are happily playing legos–together. There’s not a whine or a complain in earshot. So—should I call them all together and assign out the jobs and have them get to work so they can play with friends this afternoon, or do I just leave them alone and let them play and then I can sew?

Yeah, that’s what I thought, too.

I haven’t been posting much this weekend because I
a- haven’t had anything clever to say, and
b- I might get paint on my keyboard.

Yes, we are in the midst of a large painting project here, and it’s lasted over a week, and I’m getting sick of it.

It started with a simple gallon of pretty green paint. A friend actually gave me this gallon of paint, when it was left over from her painting project. It’s been sitting in my laundry room for quite a while. I decided to use it to paint the girls’ room. I did a lot of taping, and initially had quite a bit of help with the painting.

I left these areas blank, and then I’m going to paint in “frames” to house their ever changing artwork.

The problem with the room, however, is that it looks like this.

I had to kick Natalie and Jenna out of their room, and I just piled all their stuff on their bed, which I moved to the center of the room. So anywhere you go to paint, there’s stuff all stuck in the middle of the room. They weren’t too excited to move out of their room, and NEITHER was Megan, their host. So, now I’ve got all three girls sharing one queen bed, which really is big enough, but they tend to have a problem going to sleep.

But it was cute when I walked in there and found them all three reading.

It was like a sleepover reading party!

So, today, after another trip to Home Depot, I’m working on the big pink flowers. I’ve got the base color in and now I’m too tired to do the secondary color. It will have to wait. Because I need a shower. I also need to figure out what we’ll do for John’s birthday party, which is tomorrow. I planned an outdoor splash and play in the water party, but with the forecast calling for a 67 degree high, I think we’ll have to rethink that one.

Last week I got a present in the mail. The One2One Network sent me my own copy of Idina Menzel’s CD to listen to, enjoy, and review.

I wanted to quickly pop it in and listen to it, and tried my computer first. Thanks to my son, my speakers were not hooked up, and not wanting to worry about wires and things, I went to go find another CD player that worked. Not an easy task. Really. I finally ended up in my daughter’s room playing this CD in her little boom box while I measured and taped in her room–kind of a prep for painting thing.

I was quickly impressed by Idina’s voice, and loved the first four songs.

**I stand- is a powerful song from a powerful woman. It’s got an inspirational message.

**Better to have loved- Also a great song. When my daughter was listening to it with me, I said, “do you know who this is singing this song?” She thought for a minute, and said, “Someone from wicked, I think.” She thought for a minute more and correctly identified that it was Elphaba. That’s what comes from listening to Wicked over and over on her mp3 player, I guess.

**Brave- By far my favorite song on the whole album. “I might be afraid but it’s my turn to be brave” is a great message, and a good reminder not to give up during hard times.

**Gorgeous- I’m all about the singing along to a song, and this one has a catchy chorus and is very fun to sing.

With her clear-cut voice and direct lyrics, Menzel really sounds like she’s singing truthfully. She’s got such an amazingly powerful voice, and could really sing just about anything. But I get tired of the same sound for the entire time. Maybe that’s why by the end of the CD I wasn’t as jazzed about the songs.

The last three songs on the CD seemed to be the edgy, downer songs. They seemed so angry and negative. While they may be great songs, I personally didn’t care for them. I need songs that are going to keep me upbeat and happy, not make me depressed.

Overall, I would give this album 3 1/2 out of 5 stars. It’s one I’m going to keep in the car and probably listen to quite often. If you are a fan of hers, you are going to want to check it out and take a listen.

Last night I went to a much needed and much appreciated fun night with my bookclub. Instead of the normal chat about the book format, we played “Book Club Jeopardy” and it was a BLAST! I really love those ladies, and they are full of wisdom and understanding and friendship. It was great to spend a fun night to help me get out of my discouraged funk of yesterday. ( I also got quite a bit done yesterday and am not feeling quite so overwhelmed about the state of my house, just so you know.)

However, when I mentioned my vericose vein/blood clot issues, they all promptly chewed me out for not going to a doctor. (I did talk to a doctor, folks, I just didn’t have the whole ultrasound/consult experience) I think the word “clot” scares people and they immediately think of stroke, paralysis or death. They berated me for my casual attitude and insisted that I go to a doctor immediately. Well, being the phychosomatic symptom sufferer that I am, I started feeling some weird tingliness and some leg pain on the way home. By the time I went to bed, I had talked myself into a near panic. And this isn’t even consulting Dr. Google. When Ryan came to bed a couple of hours later, I still couldn’t sleep, since I was wondering how long it would take him to notice if I had a stroke in my sleep, and if he’d get me to the hospital in time for TPA treatment, and all that stuff. And remember that ER episode with Cynthia Nixon where she has a stroke and then can’t communicate and wonders what’s going on and all that panic? Well, I do, and I couldn’t get it out of my mind.

I eventually did get to sleep, but this morning, the first thing I did was look up vein treatment centers and stuff like that. I found one that says they take my insurance (after my huge deductible, of course), that does an ultrasound of the veins FIRST, so I can see if I have deep vein clots, or just the surface clots that are bothering me, and they can take me on Monday. So, there. I can rest easier knowing I have an appointment, at least, and then I can find out how unbelievably expensive this will be to get these things treated, and what they can do to ease my pain. And, for you trivia buffs, what movie tells it’s main character to “Ease his pain”? Bonus blogging points for the correct answer.

I’m having a discouraged day. Don’t fret, these happen every so often. I usually get over it eventually, once I find a way through the cloudyness that fogs my brain and my soul. But right now I feel very weighted down.

My children fight over every little thing, and nothing I do is right, or good enough, or soon enough. I didn’t buy the band book that my daughter needed TODAY, and I didn’t find the band book that I bought last year for my son. I didn’t go to the soccer game last night to support my son. I didn’t let my daughter play with a friend. I didn’t make the right thing for dinner. And the list goes on.

Meanwhile, the dishwasher doesn’t seem to be working. All the dishes come out with, well, with bits of food still on them. My washing machine isn’t agitating. Maybe I should have my kids work on that one, since they seem to have the agitating thing down to a science. My air conditioner isn’t keeping up with the heat, and even though we have nice cool mornings and I don’t even start the air until the afternoon, by 5:00 it’s 85 degrees in the house and I find myself very grumpy. I could call a repair man, but I am just sick at the amount of money that will cost. I’ve spent so much money lately, I just don’t know how we’re ever going to save up for the things we are trying to save for. So I do nothing.

My kids’ rooms and my room are disaster areas. Oh, let’s just be honest and admit that the whole house is a huge mess, shall we? I have these grand dreams of projects that involve painting and taping and curtain sewing and rearranging, but whenever I walk into that area to get started, I just look at the mountain that is before me and I can’t summon up the energy to even start. Or I get sidetracked because I can’t find a tape measure. Or my sewing scissors. Even just cleaning up the boys’ room seems an overwhelming task to me right now. So I avoid those areas and try to read a book.

When there’s a bunch of bananas going brown on my counter, I decide to make banana bread. But it turns out kind of mushy and not quite right. Plus, I tried a “fancy” cranberry orange banana bread, and it seems people around here prefer the normal “Plain” kind of banana bread.

I got a box of apricots from my in-laws so we could make some apricot jam. We love apricot jam. I even got some jars and pectin. But I let the apricots go bad waiting for me to do something with them. The thought of the mess that would make was overwhelming to me and I just let them rot. My husband must have gotten tired of seeing them sitting there in the box, and he threw them away for me. So, at least I don’t have to look at the box of wasted fruit reminding me that I failed.

I have a lesson to prepare, as I teach the young women on Sunday. I haven’t looked at it yet. We also need to plan an activity for the girls to do on Tuesday. How about we come and clean my sons’ room? Or clean out my basement or paint my daughter’s room? Could we count that as service? Well, I would never let them come and see the state of my basement, my sons’ room or daughter’s room, so that’s pretty much out.

I never see my husband, as I’ve had places to go every night shortly after he gets home. And it seems when I do see him, I’m just irritated by every little thing, and so we have nothing to talk about.

I would ask for help if I knew what I needed. I’m trying not to be stuck in my feel sorry for myself funk. I’m out there being busy, really I am. Yesterday I loaded John up in the jogger stroller and we went for a two mile walk. We stopped at a park and he “played” while I “jogged” (using the term very loosely, my friends) around the track. We’re trying to enjoy the simple joys of life. The day before that we went to yoga. But today I just can’t make myself do either of those.

I will get up. I will turn off the computer. I will take a shower and get dressed. I will clean my kitchen. I will run my dishwasher again and hope it will work a bit better. I will fold some laundry. I will vacuum. I will go and buy the band book and the new piano books and try to find the other band book for my kids. Maybe I’ll even get them to them at school by the time they have those classes. I will continue doing what I know I need to be doing. Maybe doing these things and putting my house in order just a little bit will help me find some order in myself.

I hope.

Oh to be young and to have your biggest worry be if your cool tatoos that your mom just helped you plaster on your arms will show if you wear the long sleeved shirt you picked out. Mom suggests a short sleeve shirt, but you’ll have nothing of it. But you do accept rolling up the sleeves.

Oh to be young and think that the birthday party for your friend that is today is RIGHT NOW. Your hopes and dreams are crushed when mom tells you that the party is not until after lunch. But you have a simple solution–“Then let’s have lunch right now!” (It’s 8:17 in the morning, mind you.)

Oh to be young and the most strenuous job your mom makes you do is put away your shin guards and cool new soccer shoes.

Wow, today is our anniversary. 16 years, that’s a lot. I’m excited about that! I’m so thrilled to be happily married to my dear husband after all these years.

It’s also the first day of school. I’m really excited about that. I wouldn’t have been excited had the kids not been fighting like cats and dogs for the past couple of weeks. But, since they have to go to school, I’ll just have to live with it. Of course, they’re not all gone. Megan had her 7th grade day on Friday, so she gets today off, and John doesn’t go to school this year, just preschool again, so he’ll be here with me. But I hope the other three have a nice first day. We had our traditional “back to school breakfast” this morning at the bus stop, and even though it was chilly at 7:15, it was fun.

My, oh my this back to school thing is getting expensive. Between the fees ($280 for two kids in Jr. High), the supplies ($100 buck for a TI-85 graphing calculator? Cough, cough, choke!), the paper, pencils, notebooks, backpacks, markers, pencil sharpeners, scissors, pencil boxes, dividers, pens, etc. ($100 at least!), then there’s the clothes and shoes, where we plunk down another couple of hundred there, and that’s outfitting them on the cheap! And today I wrote out four checks for a month of lunches, since they tend to make lunches and then leave them in the fridge (like today), and need to have money in their accounts to buy lunches a couple of days a week, so there goes another $140. Then there’s the extra things like PTA, band at school, and the “$10 donation” for each class, and I’m up to a cool thousand out of pocket to get these kids back to school (and that’s not even counting the $700-$800 for marching band, which thankfully does several fundraisers and we’ll only end up having to pay about 1/2 of that out of our pocket, or the fees for soccer, dance or choir)! I need a “back to school bonus”, that’s for sure. I’ll just try not to think about it.

So, moving on to happier things, I have consulted Random.org and have picked a winner for our little Idina Menzel contest. Thanks to all of you who entered, and I wish you could all receive her wonderful CD, but our lucky winner is Jeanine from Ramblings from a stay at home mom is our winner today. Congratulations.

Well, I’ve got to go and enjoy the quiet. Maybe get something done today–who knows.